networking

May nagsend lang sa email ko nito, hindi man lang nilagay kung saan nanggaling. Tungkol ito sa mga gay networking sites. Pero sa sobrang “ka-astigan nito dude” i-she-share ko sa inyo. Kaya ito na.. Chorva!

WHAT SOME THINGS REALLY MEAN ON GAY NETWORKING SITES:

1. STRAIGHT ACTING = Alam na ng lahat na bading siya puwera siya! May goatee. Mahilig sa mga boys na pandak na mukhang callboy at gumagamit ng Aficionado perfume.

2. GYM BODY = Does nothing the whole day but cruise inside the gym and the showers. Longest relationship was with a dumbbell.

3. BUFFED = Steroid-induced pecs and abs. Knows all sources of good protein. Favorite word: “Dude!” (Pronounced as “Dod”)

4. NO EFFEMS = Thinks that having a relationship with someone effeminate makes him a lesbian.

5. SEVEN-INCH DICK = Asus. In reality, 5 inches lang naman talaga. In gay inches kasi, you always add two more inches to everything you measure.

6. YM ME = Jealous type. Ayaw ng competition sa chatroom.

7. I’M NOT EASY TO GET = Desperate but trying to sound choosy.

8. I’M HERE FOR SEX = I’m here for sex.

9. HANDSOME GUYS ONLY = “I am a shallow dork and I have a brain the size of a walnut. Did I mention even my dog hates me?”

10. JUST HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS = Did not make any friends in Friendster. Was kicked out of Dogster because they found out he does not have a dog.

11. GOOD IN BED = Needs a place to crash in but cant afford a pension house. The things he does for a good night’s sleep.

12. WHAT’S YOUR PASSWORD? = “I’m so horny I want to jerk off now.” Cant afford a paysite kaya kuntento na sa mga x-rated pics ng members.

13. TOP = Has had more girlfriends than boyfriends.

14. BOTTOM = Has very bad knee injury, hindi makaluhod para kumadyot.

15. I’M NICE = Dull, boring and has the personality of an ironing board.

16. I’M BAD = Just swallowed a dozen viagra pills. Has a tattoo, nipple ring and wears an ukay-ukay leather jacket during summer.

17. THIS GUY’S MAILBOX IS FULL = Hindi maka-check ng inbox kasi walang pambayad para sa internet café.

18. “WALA LANG” = Has a ten-word vocabulary which includes “cool”,“hi”,“wassup”, “he he”, “ha ha” and “tnx.” Longest word he can write is his name.

19. I AM ATTACHED = Cannot mention the word love. Has commitment problems.

20. I LOVE TO TRAVEL = Looking for a sponsor for next overseas trip. Always starts a sentence with “When I was in Europe…” Then you ask: “Saan sa Europe?” He says: “Ah… sa city mismo!” Wow. Europe City.

21. IF YOU’RE NOT CUTE, DONT EVEN BOTHER = Lonely and miserable. Nobody takes care of him when he gets sick. Has 500 “friends” in Friendster kasi approve lang nang approve kahit hindi nya kilala.

22. I AM SENSITIVE, LOVING, CARING AND HONEST = You are probably reading your mother’s G4M account.

23. I GIVE GOOD MASSAGE/EXTRA SERVICE = A masseur who got suspended where he worked because he wears too much foundation.

24. MY MOBILE NUMBER IS = Tawagan mo ako kasi wala akong load.

25. NO PIC, NO REPLY = Nabasa lang niya ito sa ibang profile kaya ginaya na rin niya. Ni hindi niya alam kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng PIC. Wanna bet?

26. DISCREET = Loves to hang-out in extremely dark places. Haven’t even seen any of the faces of all the men he’s had sex with. One of the few people who gets excited during blackouts.

27. HAIRY DADDY = Lots of chest hair pero for some strange reason – panot.

28. CURIOUS STRAIGHT MALE = Can’t decide if he’s top or bottom.

29. A BODY PIC WITH NO HEAD = Hipon. Or Wanted by the NBI. Or against sa religion niya ang maging member sa G4M. Or puwede ring tabingi lang siyang kumuha ng picture.

30. KINKY = May collection ng large Liwanag candles na pang-undas. May bote ng petroleum jelly sa ilalim ng kama. Go figure.

31. SWIMMER’S BOD = Used to be gym-bod. Nagkasakit kaya pumayat.

32. FLAWLESS COMPLEXION = Photoshop beauty. Blurred. Dodged. Liquified.

33. VIRGIN PA AKO = Chances are virgin pa nga ito. Who in his right mind would be proud to be still a virgin?

34. VIEW MY WEBCAM = Frustrated Pinoy Big Brother contestant.

35. DON’T TEXT, CALL ME = Sira ang LCD ng 3210 niya kaya hindi niya mababasa ang text niyo! Tawagan niyo na lang, please lang.

36. I’M A SEX MACHINE = Disease carrier. Ouch!

38. QUIET AND SOFT-SPOKEN = Probably dead.

39. MACHO = Sinusundan ang Masculados sa lahat ng mall tours nila. Uses WD-40 as lubricant.

40. BLANK PROFILE = Has no clue who he is, what he wants and where his life is going. Puwedeng isama sa cast ng LOST.

42. MESSAGE ME = What he really wanted to say in tagalog was: “Gusto kong magpamasahe sa iyo.” Baka typo error lang.

43. HOMEBODY = Unemployed guy. A bum. Free-loader. Professional home-partner contestant in Eat Bulaga, Wowowee and Game Ka Na Ba.

44. OUT-GOING PERSONALITY = He’s just saying this to bring attention to himself. Pero sa totoo lang siya pa rin si HOMEBODY, the unemployed guy.

45. I DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX = Only has sex when in formal wear, like when he is in a Barong Tagalog, for example.

46. LOOKING FOR A SOULMATE = A former member of Spirit Questors. Enjoys supernatural relationships. Cant handle the stress of the physical world.

47. I AM NOT HANDSOME = Take his word for it. He’s being honest for chrissakes!

48. I’M HANDSOME, INTELLIGENT, GORGEOUS = Perfect na sana tong taong ito — ugali na lang ang problema.

49. STUDENT = Has insatiable thirst for knowledge… and sex. But remember: pag may STUDENT, may TUITION FEE na kasunod.

50. I AM MESTIZO = Contact lenses from Tutuban, skin peeling by Maxipeel, hair color by Tsin Tsan Tsu and rhinoplasty from Ellen’s. Speaks a little chabakano.

51. SHY TYPE = No serious love since birth.

52. I’M SENSIBLE = Can carry a simple conversation for 2 minutes. Beyond that he simply moans.

53. I’M A MAN OF THE WORLD = He wants to make it clear to everyone that, YES, he is from this planet.

54. I’M A REAL PERSON = People have often mistaken him for an ornamental plant in the past.

55. WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET = He has no plans of changing for the better. He is completely content with himself. Little motivation in life.

56. I’M NOT JUST INTERESTED IN SEX = Joined G4M as part of his research in molecular physics and Asian Religious Beliefs.

57. LOOKING FOR BADMINTON BUDDIES = In search for the perfect shuttle COCK. He wants to SCORE big. Naghahanap ng RACKET. And he really wants to SERVE.

58. BISEXUAL = A “top” with girls, a “bottom” with guys. And willing to pay for sex. Get it?

59. BOYTOY = It’s very clear that he wants everyone to know that he is young. And he has a toy. Now, Whether he is willing to share that toy is negotiable.

60. DOG-LOVER = A hot bitch who likes it dog-style. Loyal. Man’s best-friend. Pees everywhere. Doesn’t mind if you tie him up to a fence.

61. YOU THINK I’M HOT? = He’s not really sure if he IS hot. Needs a second opinion. And a third. The fourth will probably convince him… that he is NOT.

62. NATURE-LOVER = Very kind to nature… considering what nature has done to him.

63. MALIBOG AKO = Masturbates five times a day. Has 80GB of pornography in his PC. Has the complete collection of phone scandal videos. Watches National Geographic to see naked men hunting wild boar.

64. COWBOY = Has seen Brokeback Mountain too many times. He talks to his cigarette and says: “I wish I could quit you!”

65. I’M SIMPLE YET COMPLICATED = Uhm… this one really blows me. Probably manic depressive.

66. NO CROSS-DRESSERS = Doesn’t want to share his satin gowns.

67. DERETSO AKONG TAO = Has a very strong back. Drinks Anlene Gold regularly.

68. I DARE YOU TO SEE ME IN PERSON = Unfortunately, nobody dared.

69. COME AND GET ME = No one is sure if this is an invitation, a request or a cry for help.

70. TYPICAL GUY = He has two arms, two legs, a nose, a pair of eyes… uh, what else. Oh yes, a penis.

71. SELF-MADE MAN = He appeared into this world just by his sheer power of thought.

72. CANDY BOY = Wants to be licked allover. Comes in three flavors: BAGONG LIGO, PAWISAN and LUMUSOB SA BAHA.

73. I AM SENSITIVE = Can sense an earthquake even before it happens. He is now being studied by scientists to warn the human race of future tsunamis.

74. I HAVE A WONDERFUL MIND = His temporal lobe, anterior commissure and medulla will give you a hard-on. Oh, yes… he has a pornographic memory.

75. I AM THE LIFE OF THE PARTY = A Boyoyong party clown.

76. DECENT GUY = Wipes his feet before entering a massage parlor. Brushes his teeth after giving someone a blowjob. Says a little prayer before and after sex. Confesses regularly… on his knees.

77. OPEN-MINDED = His brain is everywhere except in his head. A perfect medium for séances.

78. COME OVER AND LET’S HAVE SEX = Thinks that Guys4Men is a delivery service.

79. HOPELESS ROMANTIC = Believes that love is eternal. Easily trusts everyone. Gullible. Sinampal na ng syota pero naniniwalang pinatay lang ang lamok lang sa pisngi niya. Thinks Erap is innocent.

80. I AM FUNNY = That fact that he has to say that he is funny is hilarious.

81. PURE TOP = Has a ten-picture exclusive contract with a porno film outfit which prevents him from being a bottom. Will only become a bottom when the ‘right’ project comes.

82. EXTREME TOP FOR EXTREME BOTTOMS ONLY = Will only have passionate sex with an Extreme Magic Sing microphone shoved up their asses.

83. TRIPPER = Has a marijuana plantation in his backyard. Uses tie-dyed shirts, showers twice a month and responds to “Tsong.” Does not a have a day job.

84. ASTIG 2 ASTIG LANG = A former seaman. Ideal places for sex: barracks, breakwater, inside a jail cell. Must have during sex: handcuffs, Purico cooking lard and a cd of Aegis get ready to rumble.

Now. Alam nyo na? HAHA! Yun na~

3 Responses to “networking”

  1. Oooops. Ngayon wala nang pwede pang sabihin. hehehe .:D

  2. HAHAHA andami grabe mostly hindi ako maka-relate ahahaha.

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